my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
