she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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