Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
