The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
