i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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