And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
