Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
