Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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