And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
