I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
