I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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