Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
