i jhust puked up my retainher.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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