My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
