Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
