Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
