Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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