She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize