i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Come on in and take your pants off
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