If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
