If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
