There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I love you. Go after that dick
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
