Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She bit a glass in half.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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