so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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