Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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