I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
