Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
