Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
