I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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