I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
