i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
