oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
