I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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