i think my mom watched the whole time
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
