I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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