he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
