I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
