I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
