About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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