You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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