Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
