He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
