just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
