You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Every concussion has its silver lining
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
