I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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