I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
