I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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