They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
