If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Actions speak louder than pants.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
