Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
