Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
