Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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