Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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