Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
