Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize