Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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