worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize