You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
