I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
