i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
