When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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