just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
